It’s been my practice to learn as much as I can about myself. Because if you don’t know who you are how can you present yourself to the world accurately? I am a woman who has been through a lot in my life, as I’m sure most people could say the same thing. My mother left this planet when I was only 23 years old. I became the mother figure of my 4 younger siblings. I went through a bout of depression and then came out of it after attending counseling meetings with a very helpful woman. This was the point that I learned that I could say no, especially to my father, who wanted me to take care of his kids so that he could go out with women. This is also when I decided that it was up to me to become the kind of person I could love and respect. Now I’m not saying that all my troubles and woes stopped and never came back, but that I learned how to control my reactions to unpleasant events that would appear in my life from time to time. At that time in my life I had never heard the phrase (Law of attraction), and I don’t think anyone else really had either. But I did know that what I put out into the world came back to me and that was worth investigating. I started making better choices and if those choices turned out to be not so good I would just make different ones. I realized that life was not linear. It doesn’t move along on a conveyor belt. It has twists and turns and lots of contrast. And that is a good thing. How boring would it be if things just moved along in a straight line? I’ll tell you, it would be very dull. There would be no learning, no excitement. How could we know what we want if we don’t know what we don’t want? Just like there is no light without dark. We need the contrast, but we also need to see it for what it is, a learning experience.
After that period in my life I was going along following my bliss until my live-in boyfriend decided to get into cocaine. Here it was again, contrast. I knew this was not the life I wanted to live so I had to make a very hard decision and I left him after a 7 year relationship. I thought we would be together forever, but I couldn’t control what he was doing, nor would I want a man I could control. It was sad but I knew I was doing the right thing. Then a couple of years later I met the man that I ended up marrying and we had two wonderful children. But again, after 10 years of marriage I started feeling very dis-satisfied with this man. But because I made a promise in my wedding vows, for better or worse, richer or poorer, you know those stupid vows, I stayed another 10 years. I really thought I was doing the right and honorable thing until I got to the point that I would sob all the way home in my car every day after work. I knew I had to leave so I started packing little by little, not really knowing where I was going, until one day a friend called and invited me and my kids to live with her and her family. I jumped at the chance even though we would be living in a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom house with 9 people. Believe it or not I was as happy as a clam. As I was moving forward with my divorce my husband actually passed away. Now it’s been a few years since all that happened, and I am a widow with two grown children and I am doing all the things I have always wanted to do. I am an amateur comedian, I am an author and I even started a cooking show on this web site. I’ve been traveling more and saying yes more when people invite me to go places with them. I am keeping myself as happy as I can every day and it is worth it. And because I am still single, (by choice), I can date whomever I wish. I even bought my own house. So you see all that contrast that appeared in my life just kept pushing me to become the person I really wanted to be. But it’s not over yet. Oh, I love my life right now but I know that I will continue to evolve and become more. I love me and I see myself as a worthy spiritual being, having an awesome human experience.
I truly believe that everyone is creating their own life, whether they know it or not. Even a homeless person is making his or her own choices. You’re probably thinking that it sounds kind of funny that someone would choose to be homeless. But think about it, who really has control over anyone else? The thing is that the person has to realize that he or she has the right to be, do or have everything they want in this life, except for the fact that they are being sloppy thinkers. What I mean by that is that they are not paying attention to what they are focusing on. Do you know that Steve Harvey and Tyler Perry were both once homeless? Look it up, it’s true. But look at them now, they are successful beyond belief. But the tricky part is that they did believe. And once they got past the believing part the knowing part kicked in to bring them to where they are now. Speaking of now, that is what we should all be focusing on. The past is over, done, finite. There is no going back. And even if you could go back you’d probably do the same things over again. And the future is whatever you want it to be as long as you pay attention to what you are thinking about. NOW is where it’s at. NOW is so delicious with all the fabulous ideas and dreams swirling around in your head. You now have the chance to see things the way you want them to be. You can create and mold your life to exactly the life you and only you desire. Oh it may not come in the exact way you think it might, so that is where paying attention comes in. For example: I was listening to a pod cast one day while driving my car and I heard about a woman that kept $20 bills handy to hand out to homeless people. I thought to myself, I can’t wait until I can hand out $20 and it not faze me. It was a fleeting thought so I went about my day not giving it any more thought. I took a friend to lunch and when the bill came I pulled 3 bills out of my wallet thinking I was leaving a $9 tip, which I thought was pretty nice. So when we left the restaurant and went to the grocery store I realized that I didn’t leave the server a $9 tip, it was a $19 tip. I started laughing and my friend said, what’s so funny. I told her and she started laughing too. And you know what, it didn’t faze me one bit. But you see I could have missed that little tid-bit because I was thinking I was only going to give it to homeless people. But instead I gave it to a cute little waitress that probably really appreciated it just as much as a homeless person would.
Over the years I have re-invented myself many times and I have to say I really love who I am. I actually know who I am and I will continue to become more of me for many years to come. So I ask you again, “Who are you? Do you know? Who do you want to be? Are you there yet?” It really doesn’t matter where you are because you can start to be that new person NOW! You can be, do or have anything and everything you desire but it’s all up to you. Life is supposed to be good and you can’t get it wrong and you’ll never get it done. You’ll just keep making new choices and finding what feels good to you. You are the only one that can become the person you want to be. The person that you can feel good about and the person that makes you happy. And I promise you that when you live your life your way everything else will flow with ease. There will be no struggle, life will flow like a leaf on the river. Just bobbing and swaying with the current. Twisting and turning and bringing you everything you ask for in odd and funny ways. But you have to pay attention. When something good comes to you think back and see if that is something that you have asked for even if it was a long time ago. Or if something not so good occurs think about what you have been focusing on and understand that you brought that too. You get what you think about. Some things come quickly and others take a while, but it all comes in accordance with what you give your attention to.
So now you know that you can be whomever you choose to be. It’s all up to you. And don’t worry about hurting anyone’s feeling by being yourself. They will either love you more or move on, but either way it’s okay as long as you are true to you. So now’s the time to get to know who you really are. And I know you can do it. So get out there and be the person you always wanted to be.
And remember there is always great love here for you.
Best Wishes,
Deb Mertan
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