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What to Expect When You Love You

Self-love is at the basis of being your authentic self. But for most of us it has been taken away at an early age by people trying to guide us by what they were told and by what they lived. People like parents and teachers and even government who want us to please them. But the only problem with that is that those people are fickle and they keep changing the rules so it makes it impossible to please any of them. And in turn no one is pleased, especially not you. I like to use the analogy of the flight attendant. They tell you that if the oxygen masks fall to put yours on first before you try to help anyone else, because if you can’t breathe what good will you be to anyone else? It’s time to take your power back and learn a whole new set of rules. Your own rules. Those rules that let you be who you really are. The rules that you and only you set for yourself. You can’t expect anyone else to make you happy either. It’s like when you have a partner that is mostly always pleasing, someone that makes your heart sing whenever you’re around them. But sometimes they may be in a bad mood or just grouchy or just down right tired. But if you are keeping to your true and authentic self and letting happiness come first that person can’t bring you down. They can’t inject their bad mood on you unless you allow them to. When you are aware that you have control of your emotions, and you choose to be happy no matter what, you will be on your best path ever. Believe me, I’ve been there and now I’m here where life is good and I can and do choose to be joyful no matter what else is happening around me. I’m not saying that you or I will never feel bad again. I’m saying that you or I will be able to recognize what is happening earlier and get back on course faster.

Do you know what self-love really is? It is being nice to yourself. It is caring about how you feel. It is loving who you are right here and now even if you aren’t where you want to be just yet. It is being happy whether you are in a crowd of a million people or all alone. It is taking more time to relax and daydream and exploring what you really want out of life. It is re-inventing yourself over and over again because life keeps moving and you need to keep up with it. And it’s not beating up on yourself when things do get a little out of hand. It’s okay to feel a little bad sometimes because that just helps guide you to what you really want. This is normal because we are humans and we have feelings that help guide us to where we really want to be. This is literally the only control we have as humans. We can’t think or feel for anyone else but ourselves. And when you discover this for yourself life will be as good as you let it be.

Now let’s talk about an easy way to get to know yourself fully. My personal favorite way to get clear about what I want and who I want to be is to meditate. Meditation used to sound like something mystical or weird even. But now day’s people are really embracing it, and realizing what a great tool it is for getting ready for the day. Setting the mood so to speak. It is a great way to relax and put everything into perspective. Here is an example of how I do it, but believe me there are many methods to choose from if mine doesn’t work for you. This is what I do most every morning. I wake up and get myself some coffee then I use the bathroom and make sure I’m ready to relax with no interruptions. Then I sit in my recliner and set a timer for 15 minutes. I close my eyes and relax. I count 3 breaths in and 5 breaths out which helps me not think too specifically about anything. I let the thoughts come and go as they will. It sort of feels like my mind is sorting my thoughts into the right files, like organizing. Then when the timer goes off I feel refreshed and ready for the day. Sometimes an idea will pop into my head right away and I’ll be inspired to do something or call someone or an answer to a question will come about something I’ve been wondering about. And sometimes I just feel so good that I go through my day looking for and finding all sorts of things to be happy and appreciative of. Which in turn makes my whole day a wonderful experience. Only you will know when you start to feel the relief of stress and worry through this process. And if my way doesn’t work for you there are hundreds of meditation CD’s for you to choose from. It’s all good. Just remember that as long as you keep trying you will eventually get to the place of true self love. And after that anything is possible. It takes practice, and I mean all day every day. You will eventually reach a tipping point where you will no longer be willing to feel bad, at least not for very long. You will use your bad mood as an indicator that you need to change your train of thought to get back to the good feelings again.

So you see that self-love is the most important love there is. It is the only way to truly be happy. And after all what else could be more delicious than that? Now get on that super wave length and show the world what a happy person can do. You know what I’m talking about. Get out there and be the you, you were meant to be. And don’t worry about anybody else. They are none of your business anyway. And you aren’t theirs either. And when someone tries to bring you down tell them that you’ve tipped in a new direction and if they ever get there you will see them on the flip side. Because you are too busy being happy.

Just as a reminder, there is always great love here for you.

Your True Friend,

Deb Mertan


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