top of page

How do You Love Yourself?

This is a very important question, how do you love yourself? I know it seems hard but it’s not. You just need to stop talking yourself down. Any time you say anything negative about yourself you are diming your natural light. This light is something that we are all born with. But for some reason as we grow older we let outside influences disrupt our natural flow. We get bogged down with trying to keep up with the Jones’, so to speak. We are taught that we should please others and not ourselves. What a bunch of crap! Yes I said it! I think it’s a shame that we are not allowed to be who we truly are. We are meant to please ourselves. We are meant to live a joyful life of our choosing. So why are so many of us still struggling? It is because we forgot to remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.

This may sound weird or even a little scary to most people. Maybe you’re scared of really getting to know yourself. Maybe you won’t like the person you really are. But that is a myth. When we are born we don’t have those feelings of not loving ourselves. It is taught to us by those around us, wanting us to do for them and we lose sight of our own desires. But that can change. Once a person realizes that they can be do or have anything that makes them happy everything will change for the better.

The first thing I would do if I were you is to stop talking smack on yourself. We all make mistakes. We all have flaws, but you know what, who cares? That is the past and now is all there is. Start from now to give yourself a break. Even when you think it’s no big deal when you call yourself dumb or any other negative word, even if it’s in a joking manner, you are causing a ripple in your inner atmosphere. Your sub-conscious mind does not reason, it just takes what you say or think and gives you more of it. So why not say lovely things like, “I’m not dumb, I’m just ignorant of the facts.” It’s okay to be ignorant because that just means you had no idea, but now you do. Every time you have a negative thought about yourself you should immediately turn it around to something positive. There is a buffer of time from the time the thought or the word comes out of your mouth before your sub-conscious mind gets hold of it and brings it to fruition. So by catching it early you can start filling your mind with what you want to be true. Then you will see things changing in a very good way.

Love starts on the inside, and once you start feeling it, it will radiate out and it will come back to you in the faces of all you come in contact with.

You know once you start asking the question, “How do I love myself”, you are ready to find the answer. You are now attracting things and information that will help on your journey. But you need to pay attention and see the signs that the Universe is always showing you.

The next thing to do is to go within by meditating. This is something that scares people for some reason, but it really is the best way to get to a good place. And you only need to do this for about 15 minutes every day. When you clear your mind you give yourself a clear and open path to figure out who you are and who you want to be. You have every right to be anything you want to be. You have to give yourself permission to be who you really are. And once you start giving yourself more time to relax and dream of life in any way that pleases you, you will be able to please others as well. And you must start appreciating everything and everyone for who and what they are. You can’t control anyone, not your mom, not your kids, not your spouse. You only have control of one thing and that is how you feel. When you look at someone and think that they need to be different in order to make you happy it back fires. You need to be happy first and then people and circumstances will change all around you.

This is how you keep yourself happy. Notice only the things that make you feel good. Start by going outside and looking around at all the abundance there is to appreciate. We have abundance of trees and flowers and grass and sky and birds in the sky. We have so much beauty around us. Remember, where focus goes, energy flows. So when you are looking for things to appreciate more things like it will appear for you to appreciate. Then you can look at other people and find things in them that you can appreciate. You could makes lists of things you appreciate about someone you have not always gotten along with. Then the next time you see that person you will feel differently about them. I know it sounds weird but believe me everything starts on the inside.

I cannot stress to you enough how important it is to find things to appreciate. Can you make a list of things you appreciate about yourself? This is a process I did when I first started on my deliberate journey. I made a list of ten things I love about myself. I would read it every morning before I left the house. I would write a new list every seven days. It was a little challenging at first to think of things I loved about myself so I wrote things like, “I love that freckle on my toe.” It may sound silly but as long as you are saying love toward yourself it works. My second list got better because I was really feeling love toward myself. So I wrote things like, “I love my smile and I love my sense of humor.” Once you start noticing all the things you love about yourself you will see a definite change in how you see others and how others see you.

Look, life is supposed to be good for all of us. This is an attraction based Universe, and you are the magnet. You will attract whatever you focus on. So don’t you think it would be wise to focus on good things?

The next thing to do is to tell a new story about what you want your life to be like. You don’t even have to tell it out loud. You can just keep imagining what you want to happen and it will manifest. Daydream and let yourself feel what it feels like to be the person you really want to be. But if you are daydreaming and you start to doubt what you are thinking about, you just shot yourself in the foot. If your dream starts to feel worrisome just stop for the time being and try to think about something else that pleases you. You can’t eliminate thoughts but you can change the station. It’s like you have a radio dial in your mind and if you don’t like what’s on that station you can change to one you like. It’s up to you to find the thoughts that you love to think about.

My suggestion is to stop watching the news. It is so negative and if there is something so important that you need to know about it will be revealed to you in some way shape or form. Ignorance is bliss sometimes, and as Joseph Campbell said a long time ago, “Follow your bliss.” I agree with this whole heartedly. I love being happy and it is a choice. It is my God given right to be whatever I want to be, and I choose happy.

So let’s re-cap. First thing to do is to change the way you think and speak about yourself. Second is to pay attention to the signs that are always there. Now let yourself feel what it feels like to be the person you want to be. Next thing is to meditate for about 15 minutes every day. Morning is best because it sets the tone of the day. And it clears out the stuff you don’t need and makes room for the new good stuff coming in.

Next thing to do is to appreciate everyone and everything, especially yourself. And the most important thing is to keep yourself happy. Only you know what that means in your life. And remember that this is an attraction bases Universe and you are the magnet. Now you are ready to tell your new story about your unique life. And nothing is off limits. You can be do or have anything your heart desires.

So now go out there and follow your bliss and make this world a better place because you were here. You matter and as long as you keep remembering that life will flow in a beautiful and almost miraculous way. But it is the way it is supposed to be. This is a life-style change and it takes practice every day and every minute of every day. Remember there is great love here for you.


                                                      Deb Mertan


bottom of page